JACOB'S FLAWS
by LOSHLOVERXOXO
Summary: THIS IS A STROY TO MAKE FUN OF JACOB. IF YOU LIKE JACOB THEN LIVE WITH IT.
1. Chapter 1

**I AM MAKING FUN OF JACOB. WHOEVER DOESN'T LIKE IT LIVE WITH IT. **

Jacob POV

I still don't know how it happened. I mean I was in my wolf transmutation and started to foam at the mouth. It was weird and I had ignored it. Now it was worse. I would all of a sudden get really excited over something. Then, I would get a fever, even high for werewolves. I would have all of the sudden violent moments. I would get depressed, by thinking of Bella being changed. Now, I can't drink water. It's weird. I explain it to Sam and said it could just be a phase. I asked my dad. He said I was just plain crazy. I ignored it. It was weird just a phase. Then when I was on patrol with Quil and Embry I passed out.

Quil POV

I was on patrol with Embry and Jacob. Jacob's mind on his weird new thing happening with his body. I was laughing at his new weirdness and then his thoughts stopped. I ran over to him and he was his human self, unconscious.

_Embry. Jacob's unconscious. _

_Ok. _

He came up to me and helped me carry Jacob off. He's one big dude.

_Oh shit. Embry where the hell are we suppose to take him. We can't take him to a hospital. _

_What about the Cullens? _

_No WAY! I am not taking Jake to a bunch of Bloodsuckers. _

_We have to. Carlisle is the only one who can help him. _

I nodded to Embry's thoughts and phased back. I threw my pants on while Embry did the same. We carried Jake to the bloodsuckers house.

Alice POV

I was on the ouch with Jasper, absent mindingly looking into Bella's future. Trying to clear out Edward's and Bella's so called making out session upstairs. Then my vision went black.

"Damn it!" I screamed

Then all my family was looking at me intensely.

"What's the matter?" Edward asked holding Bella

"The dogs are coming." I said emphasizing the dog part

Bella winced.

"Sorry." I said gravely

Rosalie let out a small groan. Emmett looked happy? I don't know. Esme didn't care, but I saw that she would buy lots of air freshener. Then the mutts came into the room, carrying Jake.

"What happened?!" Bella exclaimed

"I don't know he passed out." said one of the mutts

"Let me look at him." Carlisle said

He started to examine Jacob. He was confused.

"Alice get me the phone." Carlisle demanded me

I was back in a second with our wireless phone. He dialed a number I didn't recognized. The guy answered.

"_Hello?" _

"Hi, can I speak to Dr. Goldberg please?" Carlisle asked

"_Sure hold on." _

"_Dr. Goldberg." _

"Yes, Doctor I need to ask you something." Carlisle said

"_Yes. What is it?" _

"What are the symptoms of rabies?"

Emmett POV

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Jacob had rabies. I started to laugh hysterically along with the rest of my family.

"Jake has rabies?" Bella asked totally in shock

I laughed harder and grabbed my sides. This was priceless. Rosie was laughing her head off. She would do anything to get dirt on Jacob. Poor, Jake he is never going to live this one down. Edward was laughing too. I mean this is so funny. Him getting rabies. Quil and Embry looked like they were going into shock. No, they were in shock. I just kept laughing along with my family. Except Bella of course.

Bella POV

Jake had rabies!!!!!! That is so not good. I had a dog once and he got rabies, and he died from it. DIED! I was crying now. Edward was holding me back, laughing his head off. I ripped myself away from him.

"WHAT THE HELL!!! DO YOU GUYS HAVE ANY HEARTS!! JAKE COULD DIE. DIE. I HAD A DOG ONCE AND HE DIED FROM HAVING RABIES! DIED! AND ALL YOU COULD DO IS LAUGH! THAT IS SO NOT COOL!" I screamed

They all looked at me with total shock. Edward looked paler. I couldn't even describe it. Emmett was the first one to spoke.

"What was the dog's name?" he asked

Shit.

"Jacob." I said

He broke off into laughter again. His booming laugh echoing thought the silent house. Jasper was trying not to laugh. Alice was shaking so hard she was trying not to laugh. Edward was amused.

"Bella, we don't have hearts." Emmett said smiling slyly

"I should of named the cat EMMETT!" I screamed at him

"Wow, Bella that hurt." he said sarcastically

I walked over to Jake. And hugged his warm body.

Edward POV

Jacob had rabies! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That is too good. I was laughing and Bella didn't like that. I started to rummage into everyone's thoughts.

_HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. RABIES. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Emmett _

_JAKE IS NEVER GOING TO LIVE THIS DOWN. Rosalie _

_POOR JAKE Esme _

_I DON'T KNNOW ANYTHING ABOUT RABIES. HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO HELP HIM. Carlisle _

_HAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Alice _

The other werewolves were all shocked. They weren't thinking. I laughed harder.

"WHAT THE HELL!!! DO YOU GUYS HAVE ANY HEARTS!! JAKE COULD DIE. DIE. I HAD A DOG ONCE AND HE DIED FROM HAVING RABIES! DIED! AND ALL YOU COULD DO IS LAUGH! THAT IS SO NOT COOL!" Bella screamed

I was shocked. My face color must have changed. I was shocked. Bella had never yelled at that. Emmett asked something stupid and it made her yell again. I didn't mean to. But as a vampire this is so funny. She went to give the unconscious mutt a hug. She was crying. I didn't mean to do make her cry. Grief immediately filled my veins and I ran over to her. I hugged her from behind. I turned her around and kissed her tears away.

"I'm sorry, love." I said

I hugged her into my chest. I smelt her strawberry hair. She kept crying. I hate seeing her cry.

Rosalie POV

That stupid mutt got rabies. What an idiot. I have juice on him now. He always makes stupid blond jokes, that annoy the crap out of me. Oh how sweet revenge is.

Jake's POV

I woke up stretching. I felt terrible. I was stiff from sleeping. What had happened? I don't remember anything, except patrolling with Embry and Quil. I shook my head. I saw the blond bloodsucker staring at me.

"What? Where am I?" I asked

"You're at my house." she said smirking

"Why the hell am I here?" I asked

"Because you're sick." she said

"What's my sickness?" I asked

That caused everyone to laugh.

"So, Jake. How's rabies?"

**MUHAHAHAHAHAHA. I HATE JACOB. GO TEAM EDWARD!!!!**


	2. Chapter 2

**ANOTHER MAKING FUN OF JAKE STORY. EMMETT PRANKS JAKE. STUPID MUTT **

Emmett POV

This is going to be priceless. Everyone is in on it. Well, everyone in my family. Jake will never se it coming. I laughed as I set my prank up. I ran over to Bella's house, where Jake is supposedly suppose to meet Bella. I set up everything. MUHAHAHAHAHAHA. I then went into Bella's room to hide my scent. Thank God for Edward's obsessive behavior to watch her sleep. I waited. Soon enough I head tires screeching against the road. Five more minutes. Soon, I heard Jake's voice.

"Bella, you here?" he asked

I threw the boulder onto his head. This should be good. He went into unconsciousness. I laughed and dragged him to the forest. I tied him to a tree. I waited until he woke up. He saw me.

"What the hell?" he asked

"Bella loves a vampire more than you. You lost your love to a vampire." I kept saying

He easily transformed into a wolf. I knocked him out again. Then I began my prank. Damn he has a lot of hair. When I was done I left him the clothes I brought him and ran back to the house.

"So how'd it go?" Edward asked me amused

"Great. It worked perfectly." I said bowing

"Remind me to thank Alice for keeping Bella away from her house." I said

"Sure thing my bro." Edward said holding his fist out for me.

I punched it and went to my room. Actually I decided to take a shower first. I reeked. I smiled to myself in the shower. I could see it now. He would wake up soon and find himself, the way he is. I stepped out of the shower.

"Emmett, come here!" Edward screamed

I quickly changed my clothes. He pointed out the window. There was Jacob, in his wolf form, fuming.

"Hey look there's a naked mole rat outside!" I exclaimed

This was my best prank ever. I had just shaved a werewolves hair, all off, when he's in wolf form. Now the only thing he could wear is one of Lice's pink dresses our else he'd be categorized by naked.

"What's so funny Emmett?"

I looked at Rosalie and pointed outside.

"AHHAHAHAHA! I'm scarred. I'm scarred for the rest of my existence. Someone save me!" she screamed putting her hands over her eyes.

I laughed harder. This is priceless. Jacob stood there, looking like a naked mole rat. If looks could kill. I'd be dead.

"So, Jake? Do you feel a draft?" I asked him

He growled at me.

"Emmett, don't leave the house. If you could hear his thoughts right now." Edward had warned me

"Don't worry Eddie. The big bad naked mole rat can't get me." I smiled.

Edward growled.

This is the best prank ever.

**HEHEHEHEHE. ALRIGHT. IF ANYONE HAS ANY SUGGESTIONS ON HOW TORCHER JAKE. PLEASE REVIEW WITH A SUGGESTION. R & R **


	3. Chapter 3

Werewolf Jokes

ITS BEEN A WHILE. I KNOW. READ MY OTHER STORIES AND R&R

ROSALIE POV

After the encounter with Victoria and her gang of newborn vampires the werewolves and vampires found a truce. So here, I am with Emmett, sitting on a log on a private beach. Surrounded by werewolves. Jacob has been using his stupid blond jokes on me.

"Rosalie, what does a blond say when you blow them in their ear?" the mutt asked me

I rolled my eyes and glared at him.

"Thanks for the refill!" he exclaimed

The other mutts laughed with him.

Another one was:

"What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH?"

A blond going through a flashing red light.

I swear I am going to kill him. Or Bella. Edward growled at me. Stupid mind reading vampire. I sighed and pressed myself closer into Emmett's chest.

"It's ok Rosie. We'll get him back." Emmett said rubbing circles into my back

I sighed. I started to plan. I left Emmett's lap and ran up to our vacationing house. I went into my room and locked the door behind me. I turned around.

"You forgot the window."

I nodded and Emmett shut and locked the window.

I took my laptop out, and sat down. Emmett said behind me and kissed my neck. If he was trying to distract me, it was working.

"Emmett I am looking for werewolf jokes to get back at Jacob. Can you please stop trying to distract." I said

"Oh, am I distraction you." he said and started to suck on my neck. I shivered with delight and clicked on the internet button.

I typed in werewolf jokes. 1,570,000 hits. Oh, yes Jacob Black pay back is a bitch.

Jake POV

My blonde jokes really ticked the blond off. I am doing very well. It also helps when my Quilete friends laugh with me. Then she ran off. I hope she's crying.

"We can't cry mutt." Edward the bloodsucker said

"Whatever." I said

Then he started to chuckle. Bella looked at him like he was crazy. I preferably think he is crazy. Bella sighed knowing she would never find out and snuggled into his chest. I gagged a bit.

"Hello, Jacob." the blonde said to me.

"Blondie." I replied

"I have some jokes for you." she said

"Hit me with them."

"How many werewolves does it take to screw in a light bulb?" she asked

"I don't know. " I said

"Werewolves don't change light bulbs. The big light bulb in the night sky changes them." she said acid in her voice.

That racist son of a bitch.

The Cullens started to laugh. Edward, Bella' bloodsucker, laughed the hardest. Stupid mind reading vampire.

"How do you stop a werewolf from chasing you?" she asked

I rolled my eyes, which she ignored.

"Throw a stick and say fetch."

Again a rousing laughter from the Cullens. Bella was laughing to. She was on their side!

"No shit Sherlock." _Edward_ said

"What happened when the werewolf swallowed to clock?"

"What?" Bella asked

"He got a lot of ticks." she said

Bella burst out laughing. The big bloodsucker's booming laughter hit my sensitive hearing. I cringed. My werewolf friends looked at each other nervously. They were getting back on us.

"What do you call a dentist who cleans a werewolf's teeth?"

This time it was Bella who said the joke.

"What?" _Edward_ said

"Crazy."

The big bloodsucker was pounding on the sand laughing his head off.

"Why couldn't the werewolf go to the doctor's?" asked the male blonde bloodsucker

He was holding that pixie thing, she was annoying.

Edward growled at my thoughts.

"Why?" asked Bella

"The doctor told him I'm sorry I am not a vet."

Bella was barely breathing she was laughing so hard. _Edward had to restrain her and continually tell her to breath. There were tears rolling down her cheeks. _

"_You know what you bloodsuckers are racist son of a bitches." I said getting up _

"_Jacob, don't talk about your mom like that." the blonde female bloodsucker said _

_I didn't get it at first. Then it hit me. _

"_You all suck." I spat running towards the woods _

"_Hey and Jacob." _

_It was Bella this time. _

"_What?" I said coming back _

"_Stay away from me tonight. It's a full moon." she said smirking_

_My mouth dropped. The Cullens burst out laughing again. _

_Damn I hate them. _

_I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD. JAKE YOU SUCK!!!! GO EVIL BELLA!!_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Bella's POV

Edward thought I was particularly crazy. Ever since the practice with the werewolves, I have been wheezing, coughing, and sneezing. Edward insisted me to stay home for tonight's little practice, but I refused. I need to be there. I'm the reason for the stupid vampires coming after me anyway. I fell asleep in Edward's arms, again. His cool body felt really nice against my hot one. I didn't know if I was asleep. I felt like I was asleep because I didn't want to open my eyes. However, I could hear everything around me.

"Bella, love, are you sure you want to go to the practice?" Edward asked me

I nodded and opened my eyes. His eyes were filled with worry. I sneezed again, got up and threw a coat over my shoulders.

"Ready." I said sniffling

Edward sighed picked me up and ran off. I felt the wind rush through my face, but instead I kissed Edward's neck multiple times. I felt him relax beneath me after every kiss. I felt him stop; he grabbed me from behind and kissed me. I stopped to breath and was gasping for breath. Edward's breath was a little raged too. Even though he didn't need it. He rested his forehead against mine.

"Bella, do you have any idea the affect you have on me?" he asked simply

"Do you know mine?" I asked

I sneezed again. Damn.

"I could take you back to your house, if you want me to, Bella." he said

I shook my head and walked towards the clearing. Emmett was wrestling with Jasper, whilst Rosalie and Alice were talking, and Esme and Carlisle were just watching.

"The human's here!" Emmett exclaimed

Before I blinked, Emmett was there giving me a bear hug.

"Not breathing." I managed

Emmett dropped me and I stood up, to sneeze again.

"Geez Bella, what did Edward give you a cold?" Emmett asked

"No, your hugs just crushed a sneeze out of me." I said

"Well, my hugs are probably the only sort of friction you've been getting" Emmett said

I glared at him.

"Werewolves are coming!" Alice exclaimed

I turned towards the forest and saw the wolves coming towards me. I sneezed again.

"Welcome back. I will teach you how to fight off multiple attacks. Unlike the single attack, the multiple attack… " Jasper droned

I studied Edward's face. He was listening to Jasper intently. He actually enjoys this. Of course, I would probably to. If I was a super strong, super fast, can't die without being burned to pieces vampire I would probably enjoy this too.

I looked at the wolves. I saw Sam, the tallest and the wolf in the middle looking at Jasper, with disgust. Seth the youngest.

It is so sad. Being a teenager, and stuck being a teenager. Everyone thinking you're just a kid. I'm still considered a kid to Charlie. And it sucks. If it wasn't for the fact he loves Alice, I wouldn't leave the house.

I then saw Jacob, of course in his wolf form. I smiled at him.

He really was my best friend. And only my best friend. Thinking about a relationship with Jacob seems wrong. He's like a brother to me, like Emmett is a brother to Alice.

Jacob came over to me and sat down next to me. I smiled and then started to sneeze uncontrollably. I must have sneezed like twenty times.

"Bella are you sure you're ok?" Edward asked me

I nodded. Jacob looked at me, worried, I patted his head. Then started having a wheezing, a sneezing, and a coughing fit. Everyone was looking at me by now.

"Bella, love." Edward asked me

I just kept sneezing, and wheezing. My nose got all runny, my eyes were itchy. What the hell?

"Bella, are you ok?"' Carlisle asked me

I couldn't answer, I was still sneezing, and the coughing got really bad. I wasn't able to breathe.

"Shit, Bella. Can you hear me?" Carlisle asked (OOHH. DOCTOR SAY A SWEAR)

"We need to get her to a hospital!" Edward exclaimed

"No bring her to the house. It's closer." I heard Carlisle say

I grabbed hold of my chest and the coughing got worst. I coughed into my hand, and there was blood.

What the hell was happening to me?

Edward grabbed me and ran me towards the hospital.

"Bella stay with me." He kept saying

I tried to keep my eyes open, and regain control of my breathing. I was failing miserably.

Maybe Edward would have to change me. So I stopped struggling.

"NO!"

Seven hours later…

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Ugh, my head felt like crap. Everything hurts, and I can't breath through my nose.

"Bella, Bella, love, can you hear me?"

I opened my eyes and I saw a very concerned Edward looking down on me.

"Oh my god Bella." he said

I was kissed roughly and the heart monitor went crazy.

"Don't you ever do that again." Edward said in between kisses

"Edward you're going to kill her with your kisses." Emmett said laughing

"Thanks Emmett." I said sarcastically

"What happened?" I asked sitting up with Edward's help

"You started wheezing, coughing up blood. We don't know what's wrong with you." Alice said

"I feel like crap."

"Frankly, you look like crap too. Ow." Emmett said

"I don't know what's the matter, oh no please tell me you didn't tell Charlie." I said panicked

"No, love, we didn't, please calm down." Edward said rubbing circles on my arm

"Do know what could have caused this?" Carlisle asked

I thought back. I don't remember getting sick or eating bad food.

I shook my head.

"Anything." Edward begged

"Yea, before we have to run tests and watch Edward pace and annoy the shit out of us again." Emmett joked

Edward let a low growl.

I rolled my eyes and thought back to my childhood.

_Flashback _

_A seven-year old Bella was walking in the park with her mom. She played on the swings and played in the sand box. She saw couples walking, kissing, then a couple walking a dog. _

"_Can I pet it Mommy?" little Bella asked _

"_Sure. Ask the nice people first." _

_Bella ran up to the young married couple. _

"_Can I pet your dog?" _

"_Sure." _

_Bella touched the dog and then… _

"_Aw shit." _

_All the Cullens looked at Bella. _

Jacob's POV

There was something wrong with Bella. She started to cough blood. I only sat next to her. She had better be ok. I loved her. I need her. My phone rang and I ran to pick it up.

"Hello!" I screamed

"Jacob, this is Carlisle, umm Bella is fine."

I sighed in relief. "What's the matter with her?" I asked

"Umm yeah. Jake before I tell you. You have to stay away from Bella. She is never actually to step over the boundary over the line again."

"What your putting a restraining order on me!" I screamed

"If we must, yes." the bloodsucker spoke

"Why? Yes, I love Bella. Is it Edward doesn't want a little frickin competition!" I screamed

"No. Bella's allergic to you." he said

I didn't speak.

"Jacob, Bella's allergic to dogs."

OH MY FRICKIN GOD.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. MY SISTER GAVE ME THAT IDEA.


End file.
